He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You pole danced in your parka.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
