Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
