friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
