You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
