Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
