when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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