my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
