Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
