Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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