she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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