He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
