even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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