I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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