do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
