i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even my farts smell like vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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