Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
