Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
