I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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