Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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