Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
