you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
