We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
