Moan for me like Helen Keller
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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