my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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