Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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