k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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