I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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