Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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