i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
