weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
