if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
