I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
