its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize