i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
