Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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