Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize