It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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