you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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