I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
