the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
