I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
