So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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