remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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