Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
