Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
