I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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