She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
