I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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