So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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