i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Randomize
