I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
