I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
