She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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