I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
