Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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