guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You pole danced in your parka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
