My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Drunk is not a location!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize