Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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