Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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