Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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