Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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