I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
