I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
