I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
