We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
